John Egbert’s Lost Game: The Mystery of Minecraft 2 (2009)
Published: November 8, 2025 — by Staff Writer, JavaScript Times
Long before Mojang became a household name, one ordinary suburban teen may have accidentally invented the sequel to the a really famous game. We’re talking, of course, about John Egbert and the fabled Minecraft 2: Egbert Edition (2009)—a lost digital artifact rumored to run exclusively on the Nintendo Dreamcast 3.
According to online archivists, Egbert created the game after “Being bored on the 3 year journey.” The result was a fully playable sandbox experience where players could mine, craft, and occasionally summon an unstoppable green dog into their world.
Early builds reportedly featured three game modes: Build, Explode, and Panic. A hidden fourth mode, Paradox Survival, could only be unlocked by connecting two Dreamcast 3s together via a USB vacuum cleaner.
The game’s soundtrack consisted of a single file named sburbtheme_final_final_really_final.mp3—a slowed-down remix of “Sburban Jungle” that lasted 413 minutes (6 hours 53 minutes) and ended with an unexpected airhorn solo.
Players described the graphics as “somewhere between MS Paint and trauma.” Each block carried a unique dialogue line, most of which argued with the player about existential philosophy.
“We don’t talk about Minecraft 2 anymore,” said an anonymous source claiming to be Dave Strider. “It was too based. Too ahead of its time. Too many shades of blue.”
Historians still debate whether Minecraft 2 ever truly existed, or whether the entire incident was a cleverly disguised Homestuck side-arc that escaped containment. Evidence suggests at least one corrupted .rar file—titled minecraft2_egbert_final_fix.rar—floats across the Internet every April 13th, waiting for someone foolish enough to download it.
As for John Egbert, he remains unavailable for comment, having reportedly ascended to a higher dimension of comedy sometime around 2012. Fans continue to search for the game, even as the official Dreamcast 3 emulator repeatedly crashes with the message “you shouldn’t have done that, kid.”